Saturday January 30th 1999

Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of The Truth.

I wish people would understand the power of truth.
What goes around, comes around. It's just a fact of life. So what can you do when the person you have loved for so long decides that you are insufficient and that she would rather disrespect the relationship and the person who was so close to her than to do the right thing? It is inconceivable that a person would choose to destroy any hopes of a dignified ending to a relationship by trashing all the emotional bonds and trust that were built through the time spent together.

There are players everywhere, and they choose their games. Why should I be any different? Well, it comes down to basic self-respect and the respect for the feelings of others. There are people who would rather put their own needs and desires above everything else regardless of the damage that it might cause. It is pure, unbridled selfishness. The kind of selfishness that a child displays when it doesn't want  to share. It is a lack of basic emotional development that assumes that it is acceptable to dismiss the importance of others in search of your own selfish gratification. It is wrong, and it needs to be repelled by repercussion. There are so few times that people really get what they deserve, and it is human frailty that allows them again and again to run the risks without any fear of paying the costs involved. Even thought these people are willing to run the gauntlet, they do it knowing full well that for the majority of the time, they can escape punishment if their house of cards starts to tumble. They disrespect people because they see them as weak. They know that the person they have crushed will not have the guts to stand up and make them pay for their emotional crime.

Not this time.

I have been down this road before and I am sad to say that I have accepted for far too long the excuses and appeals of the relationship criminal. It is time that these people learned their lesson. There comes a time in every person's life when they understand that the lack of respect goes hand in hand with a lack of self-respect and self-worth. The person who abuses an emotional bond does so because they have no respect for their own emotional worth. Life, to them, is a a series of joyrides, financed by someone else, enjoyed while they last and disposed of once finished. It is sad, but the stability for which so many of these people claim to search is further beyond their reach each time they make the jump from one emotional dependence to the next.

The really sad part is that the next person in line is the one who has to deal with his inevitable future. Why, if she was willing to cheat to get there, would he assume that she wouldn't be willing to cheat to get out once she is done? The answer is that he is as much of an emotional dependent as she. They cling to one another like rats clinging to a floating tree branch, unaware that the waterfall is preparing to propel them to their doom.

There is a simple lesson in life; don't play both sides because when you do, you will lose it all. It is never worth the price to pay for infidelity, it is never worth the emotional scars on either side. At least on one side they are visible, but for the person who wants to have their cake and eat it too, those scars will take years to surface and the weight of the guilt will become unbearable with time.

As for the details, suffice to say that the truth was not forthcoming and it was not until cornered and faced with the evidence that she decided to salvage what little dignity she could. Unfortunately, even though there were admissions made, they were nowhere near the reality. That is what disappoints me the most. When, in the face of overwhelming evidence, she still wouldn't admit the whole truth. All I really wanted was honesty, and even though I gave her every chance to come clean, it just never happened. At least in the past, there have been people who would understand that truth is the universal language of forgiveness, and that opportunity to take advantage of that understanding is only a fleeting moment. Once that moment is lost, there is no hope of regaining the trust that may have once existed. It is a bridge that once crossed, allows no return.

So it will continue. Hidden beneath the exterior of pleasant greetings and moments of resurgent passion, the poison flows surreptitiously through the veins of our bond. Her duplicity will be a game in there will be no victory. No winners, only participants left empty and disappointed at the chances they took and the grief it brought.

As for me, life will go on. There will be a new tomorrow and another horizon to cross. The coming month will be filled with emotions I can only imagine, and the only outlet I have is with you. So thank you for listening, thanks for being the faithful shoulder on which to lean.

Keep your heads up, there is a new day dawning and the future looks as bright as ever.




The truth is out there...

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