June 24, 1999
I admit it, my body is far more powerful than my bravado or my mind. I was OK until I
finally settled in to my chair at work to do something productive, and after 12 phone
calls and 47 E-mail's I was reduced to a quivering mess by the pain emanating from behind
my eyes. At one point it was so bad I was hallucinating, either that or the A&W Bear
now works in Portering.
I had had enough, I told my boss I couldn't make it and beat a hasty retreat to the
car. I had been fine up until this point. Since yesterday I had recovered well, no pain, a
little stiffness, but I managed to complete a light workout (read normal insanity level
workout) and even had the wherewithal to time my exit from the gym. Time is critical when
faking a coincidence and as I left, C was coming up the steps to leave too. C is not
Stairmaster girl, but in my haste I neglected to mention that there are 2 women at the gym
who I have had my eye on. One is M, AKA Stairmaster girl, and the other is C who I bumped
into (yeah, right) getting gas last Thursday at the Petro-Canada station across the
street. As luck would have it, we exchanged some words and of course, I didn't even see
her again until today. But luck was on my side and with a little help I managed to walk
her down to the parking garage (pronounced "ga-ridge") and even stopped for a
few minutes by my Jeep to finish our conversation. She went to York U, she works for a
Medical Journal doing PR and Admin stuff, lives in Scarborough and has parents in Niagara
Falls from where, I believe, she hails originally. Physically, she is brunette, about 5ft
7 or so, lovely brown eyes and a really friendly smile.
It was 3 minutes out of my day, but has significance beyond most brief meetings I have
Of course, there is something else. Something which seems crazy, but at the same time
is weighing heavily on my mind. You see, these modern times have introduced us to the
double life, the duplicitous existence provided by our forays into the online communities
in which we exist. These two existences are often married, a subject on which I have
previously spoken, however there is an incapacity to measure the two against each other in
a significant way. This cryptic musing is made clearer when bathed in the light of
circumstance. Let us imagine you have an online compatriot, a person for whom you feel
great affinity, passion, even love. Let us also muse that you have opportunities
presenting themselves to you in your physical existence, face to face in
"reality" rather than in the ephemeral realm of the online world. The question
is, should the two overlap in the arena of consideration? Should there be equal
opportunity given to emotions from each realm? Or should you treat one as more
significant, not necessarily more meaningful but rather more important? At what cost do we
involve ourselves with the relationships we build across the wires, across the country,
across the world? How do we answer the question of prudence when applied to honesty
online. As journal writers we are bound by a desire to reflect our lives truly and with
impartiality, however it is always the case that our entries take on the hue of our
subconscious desires. Neglecting to mention the depth of our feelings in fear of insulting
our readers, hesitating to mention other journals, other writers for fear of upsetting the
balance of the bridges we have built. It is a complex issue, and the answers lay within
our ability to communicate our deeper feelings with respect and absolute honesty,
otherwise, what is our motivation other than the puerile pursuit of the approval of
others? It is a question to which I am creating the answer with every passing day. Hey, I
didn't say I knew it all!
$75 for bread and milk.
Two things; how come whenever you go to the grocery store you end up
emptying your wallet to the cute girl at the checkout? Also, has anyone else noticed how
all the men in Family Guy look like they have testicles for chins?
Anyway, comic relief aside, I am sensitive to what I have written today
because of my burgeoning passion for an online Princess with whom I have discovered
feelings I had once believed lost forever. She is Viagra for my senses, Dexedrine for my
emotions and with every flashing of her ICQ icon my heart quickens. It would be remiss of
me to tack on her praise to the end of this entry, and besides, I am busy trying to match
her creative majesty with something that will reflect at least a part of her beauty. Alas,
my words are inadequate and my feelings too raw to translate into coherent sentences. As
you can tell, she overwhelms me.
I find myself outplayed in an arena of which I have been Champion for too
And I love it...
"I love you," he told her,
"through Time and beyond."
|"Shut up you big bag of dog vomit!"
-Meg, Family Guy
Taken from October
1998. So that's why I am doing
this. I was wondering...
"I give you the vessel of creativity, you must fill it
with interpretation and understanding, it is your
own contribution that makes these journals worth reading. You must pour your caramel syrup
of experience upon the ice-cream of the writer's
thoughts to produce the flavour that is fit to
moisten your mouth at the mere thought of it's
crossing your lips."